so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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