If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
