There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
