Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
