If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
