dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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