Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
