I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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