dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
