I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
