...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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