Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
