so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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