how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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