whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
