hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
this beer tastes like vomit already
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
