Banned from zoo.
Again?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
