Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
