he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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