in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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