when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
