I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
