How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
