I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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