So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
