Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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