The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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