I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
