I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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