he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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