She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
