You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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