i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
