i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
