Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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