Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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