Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
