see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
