i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
