he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
