We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
