She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I checked into jail on foursquare
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
