I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
