i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
