youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
