My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
