youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
