Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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