I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
