Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
