some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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