i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
